Parenting with Love and Boundaries
The Similarities Between Raising Toddlers and Tweens
Lately, through my personal experiences, I’ve been reflecting on the similarities between raising toddlers and tweens. While their developmental stages are quite different, certain core principles of parenting remain the same: all children, regardless of age, need love and boundaries.
Take, for example, the 4-year-old who needs to learn that pouring milk on the floor is unacceptable, and the 11-year-old who must be reminded that dirty laundry belongs in the basket, not scattered around the room. Though their behaviours may differ, the need for clear, consistent boundaries does not.
The question I’ve been asking myself is: How can we set these boundaries in a way that is both respectful and loving? After some reflection, I’ve identified three key strategies.
1. Draw a Clear Line in the Sand
Establishing boundaries means clearly communicating where those lines are—and ensuring that if they are crossed, there are consistent consequences. This doesn’t always mean a stern word or a punishment, but it does mean reinforcing expectations. Children need to know that you mean what you say. Keep reminding them where the boundary lies, and do so with patience.
2. Model the Behaviour You Want to See
Children learn from what they see, not just what they are told. If you want your child to sit at the dinner table, the adults in the home should also be seated together at mealtimes. If you expect everyone to help tidy up, then make sure you’re joining in as well. Demonstrate the behaviours you wish to instil, whether it’s cleaning up, speaking kindly, or showing empathy. Lead by example, and encourage all adults in the household to do the same.
3. Reflect, Reflect, Reflect
When emotions have settled and everyone is calm, take time to revisit challenging moments. Reflect on what happened, how boundaries were crossed, and why certain consequences were necessary (or perhaps weren’t). This can be an emotional process, and that’s okay. It’s also a valuable opportunity to teach children about perspective.
Help them understand how the situation looked from their point of view and from yours. You may even realise that you misunderstood the situation—this happens to me all the time! By reflecting, we can foster deeper communication and teach our children that their feelings are valid, while also guiding them to recognise their impact on others.
Ultimately, setting boundaries with love, modelling the behaviour we expect, and taking time to reflect on our experiences is crucial in raising both toddlers and tweens. It’s not always easy, and there will be difficult moments. But by staying consistent, compassionate, and open-hearted, we can help our children grow into understanding, empathetic individuals. The goal is not just to maintain order, but to nurture deep, meaningful connections within the family.
